Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage: A Christian Woman's Guide to Hidden Emotional and Spiritual Abuse

I read this book after seeing it suggested along with Leslie Vernick's book The Emotionally Destructive Marriage. I think Hoffman does an excellent job of diagnosing the problem--helping women make sense of what they are experiencing in their marriages. So there is much in the book that is affirming and helpful. HOWEVER, there is a big problem with her assessment of the man's ability to change. She says "Can this kind of person change? I suppose it is within the realm of possibility, but I don't believe he will." What a small view of God's power and goodness! If God is capable of doing the impossible, if Paul of Tarsus was able to transform from a murderer of Christians to one who proclaimed Christ, experiencing great suffering as he did so, then He can change abusive husbands, too! So while I would say, please, please don't stay in an unsafe marriage believing your husband will change and things will get better, DO seek help, find people who can help your husband, and while you don't know what the outcome will be, trust that God CAN do anything. We cannot know the outcome. I have some issues with some of the other theology in the book, but this is the main point I would dispute. I'm grateful for our God who sees our pain, hears our cries, comes to our rescue, and can change hearts as He desires, for His glory and our good.

Oh my word, this is the book I wish I’d had when I finally realized that my 25 years of trying to be a good Christian wife were fruitless, not because of my failures (though they were many) but because my husband had never wanted a true marriage in the first place.Every chapter of this book spoke volumes to me, from describing the tone of my marriage to depicting the reactions of others to my decision to separate and ultimately divorce, and I felt like the author had secretly followed me around when she wrote it. She shines a light on the core issues underlying covert emotional abuse in marriage, explains how this specifically affects Christian marriages, and shows why it’s different than the garden-variety struggles all couples face. She then offers a road map out to freedom and hope.I’ve read over 200 books on marriages and divorce, and this is the first to describe MY life and give a voice to my experience as someone who lived through and successfully got out of a long-term emotionally abusive “Christian” marriage and is now happily single. Even if you’re already out of a bad marriage like me, this book is still well worth reading for the clarity and perspective it puts on your life, and the validation that you weren’t crazy, you were emotionally abused.But if you are a Christian wife still in a painful marriage, this is THE book to read first. Full of tenderness, clarity, and hope, it will help you realize what’s going on in your marriage, evaluate it in light of Scripture, and help you see yourself again as a daughter of the King, deserving of the same kindness and respect and nurturing and dignity that you’ve so freely given to others. HIGHLY recommended!

As a pastor, I believe it very important to do as the Bible commands - to be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath. Far too often, conservative churches have been quick to speak and slow to hear when it comes to domestic abuse. The wreckage of so many lives follow in the wake...We must do better. Natalie's book is a good place to start. One doesn't have to agree with every point of theology in order to find a great deal of benefit. don't get sidetracked at the one or two times she might not be as precise as a theologian might. This is a journey worth taking.Walk along with her as she describes the inner workings of a hostile marriage. Walk with her as she uses her words and the words of others to describe what it is to be deliberately ridiculed, rejected, mocked, torn down, assaulted - listen as she describes the words hurled and the hate filling a home that is to be warmth and light...And then weep at the rejection of those who are supposed to help. See the dynamics of the church that shuns and excommunicates a woman for escaping her tormentor.We must do better. We must start to weep with those who weep, as well as rejoice with those who rejoice.Start here.

It is hard to put into words what this book means to me personally but for the benefit of other women suffering in silence in so called "christian" homes I encourage you to read this well written book. The author has such a warmth and sincerity that leaps off the page and comforts a weary, traumatised soul because she's been there but now is free. Any woman who thinks they are in a Difficult marriage where you just know something's not right, have read the books, searched for answers, etc etc but nothing changes, please read this book it really could change your life. It's hard hitting, its addressing the real issue: uncovering the insidious nature of this type of abuse, above all it's pointing to Jesus the ultimate life changer. There's no preaching, no judgement, no holier than thou theology here, it's written as if the author is your friend right next to you, step by step. You finally feel understood, someone does get it, you're not crazy! Please don't suffer alone this book can help you discover what's really going on in your marriage and what to do next. The end is actually a new beginning.

This book deals with emotional and verbal abuse in a relationship. The author has experienced abuse herself, so she is well placed to empathise with other victims, particularly those who are Christians who have been judged very harshly by the Church when they wished to leave/divorce the perpetrator of the abuse. As a Christian she had to endure vilification herself from her own Church when she divorced her husband. In fact the church excommunicated her. All church pastors should read this book and hopefully adopt a more understanding attitude.

I started reading this book just to see what it was about, in fact it was just a sample sent to me by a relative. The more I read the more I started to relate to things that were being said in the book! I’ve just always thought I was overreacting and too sensitive but to know that no it’s not me is just amazing. Thank you Natalie. I’m climbing out of the pit..

This book saved my life! It gave me the education I needed to break myself and my children free from my abusive husband.This book will always mean so much to me.

Let me start by explaining how this book may help you. This author understands what you're going through, she can put into words the thoughts that you've had and helps to clarify the struggles that you may be going through with your husband and church. In this, she stays true to the book title and helps lift a fog.I believe this is where it stops being helpful. You must know that this author has been through an abusive marriage and has divorced her husband. This colours the book and often it comes across as a how-to guide for divorce. She writes with confidence and an air of bitterness. The confidence may be refreshing, but the bitterness you can likely relate to doesn't set a godly tone to the book. If you are a committed Christian woman it is helpful for you to know that she will deal with Scripture irresponsibly throughout the book, Scripture acts more like a commentary for the points she has established rather than guiding principles. The points she makes and the words she uses are steeped in secular psychological language, not biblical language. When she says narcissism, I say extreme self love. When we can define actions by biblical terms we can begin to be equipped by the bible. This also leads me to her hatred for biblical counselors. A possible bad experience she has had makes her write off all biblical counselors as ill equipped uneducated and inexperienced. This is an unkind, unfair characterization. Many biblical counselors are highly educated, increasingly equipped and vastly experienced. There are degrees and certifications in biblical counseling, start there to receive the support and spiritual help you need. Dear daughter of God, don't despair, there is help and hope for you or/and your marriage. Keep looking and trusting until you find it, He will not leave you or forsake you.