Men, Women and Worthiness: The Experience of Shame and the Power of Being Enough

I have dated a woman for two years who is where she is today because of the shame that her mother has given her from an early age through today. She has seen a psychologist for 12 years and has been on anti depressants for the past 6 years. I fell deeply in love with her and attempted to help her every step of the way. I researched and researched on her/our behalf. I took her to my friend who is a psychologist. I bought her books. No one was able to pin point that where she was all came from shame.She created strategies to disconnect. To self destruct relationships. She has many groups of girlfriends. Church, neighborhood, college and work. She spent most of her weekends with her girlfriends. As a man who loved her I wanted more time with her. She would say that I would eventually break up with her and that she needed her girlfriends to be able to hang with so that she could cope. She always had one foot in and one foot out of this relationship. She readily admitted it. She would tell me that she has never loved anyone as deeply as me and that I am the Best Kisser, Lover, Boyfriend she ever has had. The chemistry between us was very strong and when we were together we almost never left the bedroom. Her words were great and I felt them, however she could never make me her top choice to be with developing our relationship even deeper. As she said in the beginning of the relationship: The only thing I have to offer you is sex & if I were you I would run.She has tremendous fears and anxieties which she always walked towards. As a result of her never being fully present I started to pull away. I was feeling resentment and eventually anger as she truly could not connect or show love. When my father was in a hospice and his days were few she could not even be at my side to comfort me. She choose to baby sit a nephew as opposed to being with me the weekend when dad passed.One night towards the end of our relationship she was in my bed and started crying out of no where and opened up explaining how she was treated and raised by her mother. I grabbed a legal pad and wrote down everything she said verbatim. I placed the notes in a cabinet above my wet bar in the master bedroom. I talked with her and attempted to sooth her pain. Shortly afterwards I left for Israel on a 5 month sabbatical to heal. My last two years for me were very difficult. I had lost my mother the year before and then my father. I was in a relationship where I deeply fell in love with a beautiful woman who could not connect or show love. I asked god for direction.While is Israel Lisa and I decided to not see each other again. Upon arriving back to the states I saw Brene Brown on Oprah Winfrey's Super Soul Sunday. I went to amazon.com and ordered this CD. I have played this about 8 times. This CD is all about my ex-girlfriend Lisa. I understood now, where mentally she was and why . I wrote her a letter attempting to reconnect and empathize with her on what I now understood. She was upset as she did not want to be reminded of her past in any way. She wanted to hide it by placing all of those memories in a bottle, placing the lid on it tightly and putting it out of sight. She does not wish to address this pain in any way shape or form. We have had no contact since.Brene Brown is Lisa's age and Brene has successfully been able to work through her own issues of shame and has become the foremost expert in this field of study. I, through my relationship with Lisa have now been able to see pain in my life caused by past relationships and have now been able to work through those issues. Brene Brown is an unbelievable resource as everybody at one point or another in their life has experienced shame to one degree or another. I highly recommend this CD for everybody out there. The difficulty is that those who have experience shame, which is the same as those who have experienced trauma will actually have to want to address and work through those issues. From what I know at this point in time Lisa is not ready... I can tell you that she wants to be married very badly. She asked me to marry her exclaiming that she would change. I told her that I did not think that marriage could change an individual and that we should work on issues now and then look to marry afterwards. She did not like that. I wish her Happiness which I believe will only come through enlightenment.

Brene Brown has hit a home run with this one! There are 2 CD's, and each one takes about an hour to listen to - well worth your time! We all feel varying degrees of "shame" or feeling "less than" in our lives! We all have things that trigger these feelings. Do you ever feel like you're not enough? Do you ever feel like you're hustling to get approval or to fit in? Brene openly and honestly talks about these feelings, sharing personal stories, and it's easy to see how we all experience these emotions in varying degrees; it's part of being human! The key is to recognize these feelings for what they are, become aware of what our individual triggers are, and to learn how to respond and deal with them in a constructive way. Feelings of shame often lead to a vicious cycle of blame and judgment. And, of course, men and women have different triggers and different ways of handling them - it was truly eye-opening to see the differences and gain insight into this! This is a way to break the cycle, feel better about yourself and learn to thrive and be happier. She gives lots of examples, has great empathy and humor, and I can't recommend these CD's enough. This was a major "aha" moment for me!

I was familiar with some of Brene Brown's later work and Ted talks, which are fantastic. I also knew she had started out researching shame, and I knew shame had always been a big issue for me. I came from a very shame-based family, and shaming was the usual response for anything I did that my parents didn't like. "You should be ashamed of yourself," or "You're too old (or too smart) to do things like that," and similar injunctions were daily fare. As an adult, even an OLDER adult, I was constantly shaming myself, and it affected my self-worth and ability to attract good things and good people into my life. When I received this two-CD set, I listened to it in my car at least ten times and found out I could DECIDE to stop shaming myself, or letting other people shame me. That' s been a big breakthrough for me. I don't know if it's changed my life yet, but I do know it's changed my self-talk and how I feel about myself. I highly recommend it for anyone.

I love this audiobook so much. I have listened to it three times now and relisten when I want to refresh my memory on the topics Brene talks about. I love the examples that Brene gives in the book because the examples give me something to image on and to relate to other things in my life and how that is applicable to my situation and experiences. I highly recommend this book for those who want to know the struggles of both genders and to know more about the differences between shame, guilt, and embarrassment, which will then help us rewire things into a more positive light to grow better as a person.

Dr. Brown's early research was on how shame affected just women. I loved her book "I Thought It Was Just Me...", but it gave a lot of detailed examples and only about women. This CD gives examples of shame for both men and women and is simpler and more to the point than her other books. I love pretty much anything that comes from her work, because she is honest and authentic. The TED talks are fantastic, but don't really give you direction for healing from shame and learning to be shame resilient, whereas her books (and this CD) do. Also, as opposed to her books on CD this is actually Dr. Brown talking, which makes things way more fun because she is so down to earth and real! Thank you Brene Brown for doing this work and sharing it with us, so that our lives can be more authentic and peaceful!!!

My mother expressed some insecurities to me recently about not being enough. Her perfectionism is blocking her desire to date again. I sent her this. My father has rage issues. Brene talks about shame being the root of rage. Yep, sent him this too. Men's and women's healing are tied up within each other. Let's destigmatize discussions on shame, grief, trauma, vulnerability, and making room for love.

Gesamtbewertung gut

If you are considering this audio cd, buy it! It does not disappoint - listening this is goes over and above my expectations. I have heard Brene Brown before on the odd YouTube clip so I had an idea what to expect - but this is truly an exceptional cd to listen to. Highly recommended

This CD is one that I will no doubt listen to many times throughout my life. It is extremely relevant in today's time of uncertainty of self. Brene Brown has a way of speaking with humour and compassion that drives her points home in a very gentle way. She is a master. Her research is thorough, and her knowledge backs up every "a-ha" moment she presents. I recommend this to everyone, regardless of age, and even if you have no issues of worthiness, this will help you understand and help those around you who aren't so fortunate. I also highly recommend her book "Daring Greatly" for those in search of inner peace. She has helped me immensely!

Loved this and have listened to it many times. Feels like you are in a casual conversation with Brene! Down to earth and practical.

Brene Brown has a very personable way of getting her points across. What she says is sound, backed not only by her research but lots of other research in the field. I've listened to it over and over again and get new insights each time. Start giving is as presents now.